i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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