Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
