Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize