So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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