I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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