Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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