capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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