Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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