Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
