I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
