I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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