the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
