Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize