I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize