i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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