I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
