so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
