I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
