The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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