HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
