he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Be still, my beating vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
