I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
