Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
