she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
