I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
