I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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