he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
