I just made out with a guy for $7.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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