we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
