guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
