Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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