Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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