Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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