trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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