So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
