walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
