I'm lost and stupid without you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
