Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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