well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
