Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
