Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
