I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
