The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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