I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
