god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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