you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
