David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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