your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
