This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
