i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
