I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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