You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
