i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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