brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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