...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
