We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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