I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
