I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
