Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
