I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
