So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
