My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They are going to name an STD after you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
