Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
