I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
