Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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