all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
