But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
