just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
